I had one of those fathers who thought that the only way to learn something was to experience it. So at the tender age of 6 I was thrown in the deep end of the swimming pool. Man, did my father get a shock when the lifeguard jumped in after me, pulled me out, handed me to someone else to take care of me then set about ripping my father a new one.
I understand now, why he did it. But not why he did it. That sounds a bit cock eyed, let me explain. My father wanted me to swim, he could see the water and thought that I would automatically take to it and swim. Just like riding my bike. He pushed, let go and I went down hill, hit the railings at the bottom and broke the bike. Funny how I got the blame. But that was my dad. If he could do it then why couldn’t everybody else. What I couldn’t until now understand is how he could inflict such pain and fear on a child. You see, my father didn’t see a child, he just saw someone that needed to learn. Here’s the paper, here’s the pen, write. There would be no teaching the alphabet first.
Sometimes I feel I’m more like him than I care to admit, although I do think I have a little bit more compassion. Sometimes I kick myself because I know I should be able to do something, but something is holding me back.
I’m on a mission. A mission to explore me. I don’t need anyone to throw me in the deep end I’m going to do this myself, I’m going to teach myself to swim.
My first task is a personal profile. What would I say about me if I had to promote myself.
I’m not sure yet what I want to write, but I know what I don’t want to write.
My hubbie is not me, so my status is not important. Having children does not make me the same as other mothers, so that’s out. I’m not working and I don’t have a title to proclaim. I want to write about who I am, not what other people make me.
Many years ago when I did my psychology I had to ask 5 people how they would describe me. The words, wacky, crazy, nutty etc, came tumbling off everyone’s lips. Am I still that person?
Everyone I have met, listened to, talked to, everything I have seen or read has had an impact. I am an individual with a unique point of view. I am the only one. I just want to find out what that one, is.