What to buy two grumpy old gits

What do you buy
Two grumpy old blokes,
Who’ve got to the age,
Where they’ve heard all the jokes.

How do you say,
Happy Birthday today,
When the bloody old buggers,
Shut themselves away.

No cakes for the gits,
Nor sparkly wrappings,
Hiding surprises,
Of greetings and offerings,

To celebrate reaching,
That grand old age,
Where everyone thinks,
They’re a clever old sage.

Now I’ve got a couple,
Of weeks to decide,
What to buy both,
And find a cupboard to hide,

Whatever I get,
The miserable gits,
To say Happy Birthday,
Take that its a gift.

They’ve got all the t-shirts,
The oojamaflips,
The executive toys,
And the motorbike bits,

They’ve been where they want,
They’ve done everything,
They’ve got all the tools,
Even got wedding rings!

So what do I buy,
Two grumpy old gits,
Who tell you don’t bother,
They don’t want a gift.

For you and I know,
That if I didn’t bother,
I would have a grumpy,
Old hubbie and brother.